Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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