There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
