my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
