I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
