this just has baby written all over it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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