Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
