i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
