She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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