Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
