I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
