i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
