Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
