shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
