I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
