i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
