i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
