the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
