I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
