I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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