Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
