Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize