I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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