dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
