Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My cat gives me a boner
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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