dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
