i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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