Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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