I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
