apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize