he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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