apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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