after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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