So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
