whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
