The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize