I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
