We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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