Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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