Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
