Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We had sex on a dog bed..
I need water and some morals
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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