no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
