He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
