Whod you bang
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
