i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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