Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
