I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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