remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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