Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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