He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
