His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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