Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
