Me too!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you would pick up someone in the library
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
