Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
