shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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