Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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