I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just googled if crying burns calories
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
