She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
