I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
