shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
