Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
