Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
