Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize