Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
