I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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