Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
