we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
