Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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