my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
