Me too!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
